


The Pain Left Behind

by T97Carolina



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 12:27:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15972308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T97Carolina/pseuds/T97Carolina
Summary: This is a sad one shot that I needed to write because I was attacked with the idea of Kat being haunted by the memory of Adena post Paris.





	The Pain Left Behind

Kat turns the key to unlock the door, slowly crossing the threshold and removing her shoes. She places her purse on the dining table and the now familiar wave of nausea which accompanies her arrival home hits.

Kat tries to focus her mind on the task at hand - one arm out of her jacket. 

Then the other. 

Now to hang it up. 

She extends her arm to place it on the wall hook, but drops it to the ground with an audible gasp instead. Adena is seated at the foot of their -no, she reminds herself, her bed, at the foot of her bed. She still working to retrain her mind to see herself as an _I_ instead of a _We_. It's proving to be a slow process.

"Hello," Adena greets softly, cutting the silence between them.

"What, what are you...?" Kat can't find the words to finish her question. She hadn't asked Adena for her key back, hadn't considered the possibility that Adena would show up suddenly after she decided to stay in Paris. All she can do is look to Adena confused.

"Kat, I'm sorry." Her voice is soft yet urgent. "I'm so sorry. I should have stayed and gone with you. I -" she falls quiet when Kat raises her hand asking her to stop.

Kat's eyes travel over Adena's face, taking in the reality of her here before her. And when their eyes meet, she feels the tears begin to prickle.

She looks away, breathing in heavily, trying to make it through one day without crying.

There's an involuntary hiccup, a sign that she is losing this battle, and Adena quickly stands, striding forward until she has her hands at either side of Kat's face. Adena is trying to soothe her with repetitions of Kat's name and more apologies, pleading for her not to hurt.

"Okay," Kat breathes out, her head pressed against Adena's, nodding gently. "Okay."

Her hands reach out to hold Adena's hips, remembering all the other times she's held Adena this way.

It still hurts.

So she presses forward and kisses Adena hard. She doesn't want to talk right now, doesn't know what there is to say. She only wants the pain to stop, to fall into the familiar comfort of Adena's body.

And Adena seems to want that too.

As Adena removes her top, Kat wipes away the remnants of her tears.

She strips away her clothing and joins Adena in bed, their bare bodies molding into each other as they had so many times before.

Kat had struggled with the intense eye contact Adena revels in. The intimacy of it overwhelmed her at first. And then slowly she found herself seeking out Adena's eyes, seeking to share those moments in which their eyes conveyed what their mouths could not, would not. But now she finds herself keeping her eyes shut tight as she kisses Adena. Their breathing the only sounds accompanying their actions.

She feels Adena's fingers nearing and she takes in a breath preparing for the familiar feeling, eager to feel something other than pain. She moves forward, eyes squeezed tighter, waiting - and then it's dark.

She's briefly disoriented and then she realizes she's at their - _her_ apartment. The light outside illuminating the space enough to reveal the empty space beside her.

Adena is not here.

Kat runs her hand over the smooth surface of the undisturbed bedding and that's all she needs for the tears to come rushing forward. She shakes her head reprimanding herself, searching for the throw blanket she'd purchased this week. She shuffles to the living room, pulling a pillow from the sofa. Trying to find a space that isn't full of memories of Adena.

She'd changed the bedding, but every night Kat still dreamt of her.

Kat pulls the blanket around her tighter. Last night wasn't so painful. It was actually kind of sweet when they ran into each other. It felt like years had passed and running into Adena didn't hurt. She was just excited to see her and when they ended up in bed together, it felt like coming home after a long trip. The way her fingers ran over Adena's curves, the sex was a relief.

What last would have given for that dream tonight.

Those tears were soft and calm with the sadness of missing her - not like tonight where she's struggling to breathe.

Kat pulls out her phone, hoping to distract herself with a game of candy crush, but her fumbling fingers have pulled up her contact list.

She hasn't been able to delete her number.

Kat pushes the power button, darkening the screen and focuses on evening out her breathing, telling herself she'll get through this.

She offered herself reassurances instead of allowing other thoughts to consume her - the thoughts in the back of her mind that tell her this is exactly why she shouldn't have ever fallen in love.


End file.
